Jennette

                 Jennette was chugging tea.

               

                “Oh, I’m sorry Mr. Jones.  Am I hogging all the Earl Grey?  Feel free to help yourself.”

                “Oh no, I’m fine, but-“

                Before Mr. Jones could finish his statement, Jennette had inserted a cup of tea in between his fingers.  He glared at it for a while, and glared at the smile and the humongous saucer eyes on the fifteen year old girl’s face on the other side of the table.  He sighed, and took a small sip.  Hopefully, this friendliness will pay off. 

“Look, Ms…?”

“Jennette would do, Mr. Jones.”

“..Jennette.  You must be wondering who I am, and why I made an appointment with you.”  Mr. Jones had put on the most formal of his suits, which was as black as death itself, and his most expression-concealing pair of sunglasses.  He had not been expecting the tank top, flip flops and flying goggles that his new business partner now had on, all of which she had decorated rigorously with rainbow feathers and glitter glue.  They were sitting in a white gazebo, in a park where a blond and an Indian boy were eating sand in the sandbox.  Jennette had chosen the location.

Jennette poured herself another cup while Mr. Jones held his first awkwardly.  “Oh, not at all.  You’re Mr. Jones.  You’re an agent sent from the government agency known as The Super-Ego, which is bent on keeping order and balance in The World.  And you’re here to have some tea with me.”

Mr. Jones placed his full cup of tea back down onto the table.  He was frowning.  It wasn’t a psychological defensive mechanism as his therapist had told him.  He was just really upset.

“Well, you got that last part wrong, Jennette,” Mr. Jones said.  “I am actually here to negotiate the Super-Ego’s purchase of your-“

“OH I KNOW!”  Jennette tossed her cup of tea out of the gazebo where it landed in the sandbox.  The little boys stared at it with a mixture of curiosity and fear in their eyes.  Feathers flew everywhere.

“You’re here because you wanna buy the prototype to my “Patented Portable Pencil Protector” which I invented last week!”  In reality, it did not actually protect any pencils, and she forgot to get it pantented.  It was hardly even portable.  But he didn’t know that.

A cough sound came from Mr. Jones’ throat, although no part of his exterior expression budged.  He hated that nauseatingly friendly smile on her face.  He thought about smiling back, as revenge, but then he realized that his smile was horrible to look at.  His sudden insecurity made him frown harder.

“No, Jennette.  I was referring to the-“

“Oh wait, no, I’m sorry, Mr. Jones!”  Jennette’s knowing smile grew wider.  “The PPPP broke down yesterday, but let me make up for it.  You can have my Homemade Teleportation Ray instead!  I made it with a refrigerator box and some branches.”  Her Homemade Teleportation Ray, made with a refrigerator box and branches, only worked once.  And it was an accident.

Mr. Jones groaned on the inside.  Why must teenage girls be so sadistic?  He felt ill, like if he was going to vomit from the stress.  A small bubble of anger suddenly appeared inside his chest, and he felt like he was about to explode in fury.  He took a silent breath and tried to calm himself down.  Don’t do that Tim.  You’re never going to get what you came for if you go crazy at her.  Just settle down. 

“Is there something wrong, Mr. Jones?”

Oh crap, she’s looking at you.  Don’t mind her, just talk when you’re ready.  Stay calm.  That’s right.  Calm.

“Um, no, we are not currently interested in your Teleportation Ray.  I actually came to ask about your-“

“OH I KNOW!” Jennette stood up on her chair in one fluid motion, without her feet touching the floor.  Loose feathers rained from her clothes, most of which got caught in Mr. Jones’ brown hair.  “You just have to buy a pound or two of the new element I discovered!  Element Number 928-Jenneteum!  Of course, it isn’t quite as stable as-“

Mr. Jones stood up and slammed his hands onto the table.  His tea, along with whatever shred of self-control he still had, spilled onto the gazebo’s floor and shattered.

“The JET-PACK.  I want.  To buy.  Your jet-pack!”  He shouted, saliva spraying with every syllable.  Aw, crap.

Although Jennette’s face showed no reaction to his outburst, Mr. Jones had enough experience with her to know that inside, she was celebrating another victory.  As Mr. Jones bared teeth and breathed deeply with his fists on the cloth, she nonchalantly sat back down, and threw her sandaled feet onto the table.

“Oh!  Well, why didn’t you just say so?”

Mr. Jones’ bared teeth relaxed a bit with hope.

“But unfortunately, the Jennette-Mobile is not for sale at the moment.  However, if you would still like that Jennetteum…”

“SHUT UP!  JUST SHUT UP!”  Mr. Jones put his hands under the table and flipped it over on its side, making Jennette’s legs fall back onto the floor.  The teapot rolled onto the green grass without shattering, somehow.

Anyways, Mr. Jones was still screaming like a madman.  “EVERY SINGLE WEEK, THEY SEND ME TO ASK FOR YOUR JET-PACK!  WHEN I TELL THEM YOU’RE NOT COOPERATING, THEY JUST LAUGH SEND ME AGAIN NEXT WEEK.  WHY CAN’T YOU JUST COOPERATE WITH ME?  I OFFERED YOU GAZILLIONS OF DOLLARS, BUT NOOOOOOOOOO.  DO YOU HAVE ANY.  IDEA.  HOW MUCH PAIN YOU HAVE CAUSED ME FOR THE PAST THREE MONTHS?  I DON’T WANT TO PLAY YOUR STUPID GAME, SO WHY DON’T YOU JUST….”

Jennette was smiling.

“..cooperate…”

Well.  I lost again. 

Mr. Jones fell back into his chair like a ragdoll, and covered his eyes with his hands. 

He knew what was going to happen. 

He didn’t need to look as Jennette stood up brushed some loose feathers off of her outfit and pulled her flying goggles over her eyes. 

He didn’t need to look as Jennette scolded him for being “rude” but that she was forgiving and they should do this again some other time. 

He didn’t need to look as she casually strolled out of the gazebo, pressed a button on the blond boy in the sandbox (it was always the same blond boy) who then noisily transformed into the silver jet-pack that was the Jennette-Mobile, which she then strapped onto her back and used to launch herself high into the sky leaving Mr. Jones all alone once more.